Christians tell us there are no atheists in foxholes. They say this without embarrassment, as if they do not see the inherent problems with this particular boast. First, it is an acknowledgment that the driving force behind Christianity is human terror. Frighten us enough, and we will reach for even the most unlikely lifeline.
That is bad enough. It gets worse. The aphorism is not even true. There are plenty of atheists in foxholes. It would be closer to the truth to suggest that there are no Christians in foxholes. We know this because of two things that are hard to dispute:
First, everyone in a foxhole is scared. Why should Christians be scared. Second, everyone in a foxhole is in a foxhole, not out in the open charging the enemy with two clips of ammo and a prayer on their lips.
Pick any of your favorite bible heroes. It is hard to imagine any of them cowering in a foxhole. If god is on your side, you and 299 others can take on any army of any size. When David faced Goliath, he took his armor off. He didn’t put more of it on.
So I observe, as did J. Anderson Thompson, atheists, or those that behave as atheists are the only ones you will find in a foxhole. To put it another way, we shouldn’t find Christians in foxholes. Look a little closer, and you will find a number of other places you shouldn’t find Christians, but do:
Christians in Doctors Offices
Jesus was known for healing miracles. And his closes disciples were known to be healers, to the point of being able to raise the dead. Even today, many Christians fervently believe in the power of miraculous healing, even regarding some in their churches as apostles.
The last place we should ever find any such people is the doctors office. It is understandable that atheists should go there because they have no other place to go for healing. All they have is science and medicine. But Christians are supposed to have something much more potent. Yet we atheists can’t get an appointment for all the Christians in front of us.
Christians in Loan Offices, and Other Places of Financial Aid
Why would a Christian need a loan from a bank? Does not their god own the cattle on a thousand hills? That’s got to be worth something? Why do they need to go to atheist bankers with hat in hand to borrow money? Why are they borrowing money at all, let alone, from outsiders?
It is even harder to explain why so many Christians find themselves in the welfare line applying for food stamps, and other state services for those who are incapable of taking care of themselves financially. It happenes – to atheists.
It shouldn’t happen to the faithful. Jesus said not to worry about what you will eat or wear. Next thing you know, is followers are begging for handouts as if they didn’t have a father who takes care of their daily needs.
We also see an awful lot of Christians consulting with bankruptcy lawyers. With god on their side, how on earth did they go bankrupt? And if god wanted them to be bankrupt, why are they seeking relief from these non-Christian institutions? There should be no Christians in any of these places. Yet there are, and in abundance.
Christians in Therapy
I’m using therapy synonymously with counseling. I am envisioning the sage professional getting paid $70 – $200 an hour (more like 50 minutes) to listen to your problems, and perhaps give some type of advice. Why would Christians ever be in that office on either side of the desk?
Christians are supposed to have a direct line to the maker of the universe. He charges no money. And you get as long as you like, as often as you like to talk to him about anything you like. Furthermore, he has perfect knowledge of all your problems, and can fix them with a word. Yet Christians still end up in therapy with atheists. How is this even possible?
It is obvious that having a little talk with Jesus is about as affective as talking to one’s self. There is no scenario where having an actual conversation with god could leave one needing to have that same conversation with a therapist.
While we’re on the subject, there is the matter of depression. Why are Christians being medicated for depression? I know it is a physical illness. But that is how an atheist would look at it. Christians claim to have a supernatural source of peace in the person of the Holy Spirit living inside them.
What of peace like a river, peace, perfect peace, and peace that passes understanding? When Christians and atheists are taking the same kind and amount of anxiety medicine, that’s a problem. Isn’t it?
I could go on this way for a long time. But I think you get the point. Not only do Christians seem out of place in foxholes, they seem out of place in a number of locations. They seem out of place weeping over graves of loved ones who died as believers. Grief counselors should never see a Christian. But they do. Suicide hotlines should never take calls from Christians.
Abortion clinics should never see Christian teens desperate for a solution not forthcoming from other quarters. I find it ironic that AA meetings are conveniently located in churches where all of them profess belief in a higher power. And many of them are lifelong Christians. Drug rehab centers are overflowing with sincere Christians who found no help any place else.
So if indeed there are no atheists in foxholes, it is because there is no room left after all the Christians have filled it in, cowering for their lives.